I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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