I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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