What a fucking waste of an outfit
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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