just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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