Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
