yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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