guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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