I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
