Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
