Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
