yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Someone signed my nipple.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
