why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
