She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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