He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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