so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
