he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
