you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
