We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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