From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
