are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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