dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
