So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
