An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
