I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize