Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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