i think my tv is drunk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
