the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
