Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The adults are the big ones right?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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