Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
