This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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