Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
