I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
