we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
