I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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