seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
