Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
