Don't you send me to vm
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
