i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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