wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
