I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
