pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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