Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
