Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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