just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
