Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
