Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
