I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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