Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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