i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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