omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."