K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on