please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.