You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize