i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.