tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest