Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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