its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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