So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
