...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize