Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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