I wish my penis had an off switch
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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