don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
