I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
